


Scars

by punkeraa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jedi Rey, OCs are also coming, Pain Train, Slow Burn, Smuggler Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 14:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12866454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkeraa/pseuds/punkeraa
Summary: a smuggler!Ben x jedi!Rey AUCertain scars run deeper than others, leaving behind marks on the soul, irreversibly altering the person forever.Ben Solo drinks to drown demons he'd rather run away from than face head on, a traumatic event in his youth that still tightly grips him sixteen years later. Rey scavenges, starves, and suffers at the hands of Unkar Plutt in the Jakku wasteland waiting for her mother, anchored to the sands with a promise and a half forgotten tune.When the drunkard and the scavenger cross paths, their scars refuse to be ignored any longer. With an enemy lurking in the shadows and ready to strike, they must work together to confront their deep seated fears and grow beyond.A story about wanting revenge. A story about running away and not dealing with one’s trauma and pain. A story about acknowledging one’s anger while actively dealing with the painful scars life inflicts upon us.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



_Blood slowly oozes across the hardwood floors, dipping and disappearing into the cracks. Its ruby red color glows, reflecting the fire in the hearth. The nearby carpet begins to soak the puddle, strewn junk obstructing the smooth path. The blood forks and twists in different directions._

His face twitches, shiny with sweat even in the darkness of his cramped cabin. The body of the ship’s passenger turns in the too-small bed, curling into himself with feet just barely dangling off the frame. Whimpers pierce the suffocating black of the room.

_A man and a woman lie on the floor of their dining room. The man, closest to the front door and the first to fall at the weapon of the intruder. The woman collapsed closer to the fireplace, hurling silverware to hopefully slow down her attacker. Everything had been in vain._

_The woman was cut down brutally. An ancient weapon gleaming silver in the fire, entering through the soft flesh of her abdomen and reappearing out through one of her vertebrae. Her cold pale hand appeared to be reaching towards the boy, hidden in a chest opposite where his mother fell._

The sleeping man tosses and turns more violently, his shouts becoming louder. His face continues to shine with cold sweat as he relives his most traumatic moment in the realm of nightmares.

_The boy dares not leave the chest. He hears footsteps—heavy, boot like—slowly pacing the dining room soon after his parents’ bodies thudded to the ground. Circling the room, the entire house, until they are back again. They stop near the chest where he hides; his breathing begins to shallow. The boy squeezes his eyes shut, concentrating on not making a sound. It had been the last promise made to his mother; he plans on honoring it._

_A chilling cackle pierced the deathly silence that befell the small, secluded family home. A patiently menacing voice calls out into the house, “Run and hide, little Skywalker. I will see you again one day.”_

_Heavy footsteps quickly retreat through the smashed front door. An hour after the sounds of a ship taking off had receded did the child finally emerge from his hiding spot. The cold, lifeless bodies of his once warm parents splayed on the floor. The blood was beginning to dry, sticky wet at the edges._

_He kneels beside his mother, his tears completely obscuring her beautiful face. He thinks it better that way—he cannot see the glazed over look in his mother’s vibrant brown eyes with his own blurred vision._

_So lost in thought was the boy that he did not notice the sound of heavy footsteps steadily approaching him from behind. It is only at a soft, forlorn whining sound breaking the silence that the child whips around, his heart beating furiously against his rib cage as adrenaline begins pumping through his veins._

_A soft gasp escapes the lips of a russet skinned woman standing next to the Wookie. She is dressed in all white, reminding the child very much of his mother. More tears begin to stream down his cheeks, but he still refuses to make a sound._

“Mother,” the passenger whispers into the emptiness of his chambers. “Mother. Mother.”

_The woman reaches a hand towards him, beckoning him towards her, into the safety and comfort of her outstretched arms. He so badly wants another set of arms to sweep him up. His chest begins to feel strangely heavy, a new wave of immense sadness crashing against the boy._

_A piercing wail escapes his lips as the strange woman wraps him in her embrace. She soothes his dark waves back, like his mother, his father. The child’s small arms wrap around the woman clad in white; she is his safety line, his tether of calm as he releases an emotional storm. His wails are joined with the remorseful keening of his father’s first mate._

_“We’re taking you to safety—” the golden brown woman promises._

The captain of the ship opens the chamber’s door, penetrating the stifling darkness with piercing light. His lone passenger violently sits up, his eyes wide with an ancient fear. The captain gathers from that stare that whatever had woken up his passenger had not been pleasant, demons better left to dwell in the fogs of the subconscious. 

Clearing his throat, the captain looks down uncomfortably. He feels shame for seeming to interrupt a very private moment. The gruff young man stares holes into the wall, not looking at him at all. The passenger’s chest greedily gulps down as much air as his lungs can inhale, attempting to steady himself.

“We’ve just dropped out of hyperspace, we should be landing on the planet to drop you off in a few moments,” the captain informs his guest. That seemed to grab his attention, tired brown eyes piercing into the captain despite their exhaustion.

“Yes. Thank you. I’ll begin prepping my things. Thanks again, Owen, for the favor.”

The older man can’t help but crack the young man a tired smile. “Don’t mention it, Ben.”

Jakku’s surface gets closer and closer as the ship begins its descent onto the scorched forgotten planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey friends! welcome to my smuggler AU that i've been working on since june of this year! many thanks to ladylionhart for beta'ing this for me - you're seriously the best and i'm blessed to have such an amazing friend like you! <3
> 
> please comment and tell me what you think of this story! it's my first attempt at a long fic and it would mean the world to me if you tell me your opinions :)


	2. Chapter 2

Metal skeletons of long destroyed Star Destroyers interrupt the monotonous landscape of Jakku, providing the viewer with something other than sand dunes and open sky to gaze at. The Graveyard of Giants becomes a less and less popular scavenging spot with each year, the good pickings long since taken. Yet a certain scavenger stubbornly returns almost every month, always going deeper and deeper into the destroyed and abandoned hulls of starships. Something is always salvageable, if one knew where to look. 

Pulling at a piece of equipment until it finally breaks free, the masked scavenger triumphantly places her loot into the full satchel hanging off her shoulder. Her feet dangle as she is suspended in the air, her fibercord holding steady and true. Deeming that she’s scavenged enough for one day, the young woman descends until soft sand soothes her landing back onto surface. 

The stifling Jakku heat hits her with force as she walks into open sun, leaving behind the cool shadows of the metal giants. Digging into the satchel, she retrieves her water cannister, hoisting it up to her chapped lips as she yanks her scarf off her face. Precious water drips down her throat, magical with its coolness. She relishes it, wishes the liquid would go on forever, yet after one long gulp the scavenger puts her water away. 

Using a forgotten and worthless piece of scrap, the scavenger rides down the mountainous dune with ease. Landing at the bottom, she hauls her bounty to an old red speeder not worth stealing. She is off towards Niima Outpost in moments, once the engines decide not to die on her today. 

The wind brings a much needed coolness to the scavenger girl, the motion of the speeder tangling whatever loose strands of hair plastered to her face. Riding across the sands, experiencing small moments of joy, create an upturn of her lips, a laugh bubbling out of her. 

A sharp pang of hunger clenching at her stomach cuts the joyous moment short, bringing the girl back to reality. _No time for fun_ , she thinks grimly as steel and determination return to her features, hardening her in seconds. Gone is a nineteen year old girl enjoying the wind in her hair, replaced by a Jakku hardened scavenger fighting to survive. 

The main gate of Niima Outpost grows closer with each second until finally she is back in the junkyard she calls home. She drags her loot to the tables surrounding the concession stand of Unkar Plutt, seizing the first open one she spots. She works and scrubs at her possessions until the sun begins dipping in the sky, a golden yellow slowly and steadily transforming the desert landscape surrounding her. With each passing hour, with each finger that is raw from scrubbing, she works through each stab of hunger with renewed intensity. 

_These will fetch me enough food for a few days_ , she proudly thinks as she gathers the shiny pieces of technology within her satchel. A line is already formed at the concession stand, all scavengers in service of the Crolute junkyard boss. A short, wrinkled, toothless human woman named Maggs stands meekly before Plutt, her hands wringing in anxiety as the male Crolute inspects what she brought today. With an ugly sneer, Plutt slams down a measly amount of portions and Maggs quietly accepts and walks away. The girl can’t help the fear that rises in her gut, a fear that she will one day become like Maggs, scavenging until the day she collapses and dies in the sand.

When she stands before him, spine straight and head held high, Plutt sneers at her freckled face. “Rey,” he cooly greets, wanting nothing to do with her stubbornness.

She responds with her bounty, placing the shiny metal on the concession stand and pushing it towards his fat fingers. Her steely gaze never leaves his face, scrutinizing his every expression as he appraises what she brought him. Once the final piece of metal has been placed aside, Unkar looks down at the scavenger teenager, the condescension rolling off of him in waves. Rey tilts her chin up, defiant. 

“For all of this,” Plutt starts, beady eyes never leaving her, “one quarter portion.”

Mouth agape, brow furrowed in anger, Rey watches silently as the blubbery junkyard boss slides the aforementioned portion towards her. He sneers, anticipating her outburst at being so devastatingly swindled.

“Yesterday all those parts were two portions _each_ ,” Rey huffs indignantly. Her stomach rumbles, a hand flying instinctively to cover her abdomen. Her fingers greedily clutch the portion already offered as she stares up at the man in almost total control of her life.

Scoffing, Unkar leans down to reply back but the crackling static of his comm distracts him for a moment. The pain of hunger, of not having eaten in almost a full week, coupled with the fury she harbors for Plutt causes Rey’s fingers to move on their own accord. Snatching another portion, the young scavenger quickly turns and retreats to her speeder. A red shape of hope as anxiety blossoms within her gut. 

_I can’t believe I just_ stole _from Unkar Plutt_ , she nervously thinks as she rides away, heading home to a forgotten and destroyed AT-AT. The suffering in her stomach, the rage of being used and abused by Plutt nearly cancels out the heart wrenching panic beginning to bubble at the back of her mind. The Crolute hates scavengers who don’t stay in line, hates when they act independently and defiantly. 

There will be hell to pay once Plutt figures out Rey stole from him. But as a full plate of food steams and sizzles before her, as the aroma of cooked portions fills her nostrils, she can’t help but not care. She sleeps soundly that cold desert night, stomach full and quiet for once in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> i know these first two chapters are slow and don't really kick start the plot, but i would really love to know what you think of the story so far; are y'all surprised Rey stole from Plutt? do you think seeing old Maggs may have opened up Rey's eyes to the very real possibility of what her future will be? next week things will start picking up, i promise!
> 
> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://punkeraa.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning - slight alcoholism

Ben stands under the blazing sun of Jakku for a long moment as he watches Owen’s Allanar N3 light freighter disappear into the vastness of space. The knapsack he carries on his left shoulder feels heavier than normal, his legs unsteady on the sandy surface of the planet he finds himself on. He can’t help the scowl from forming as he takes in his surroundings. Owen dropped him off at the nearest settlement, a rinky dink place with a handful of shabby buildings. The few people out hardly spare him a second glance, making their way into the center of town. 

He follows, hoping to garner information from whatever popular destination the locals seem to flock to. 

The building is a small round thing, just as dilapidated and ruined as the surrounding architecture. Yet it is lively inside, a throng of beings dispersed throughout the entire establishment. A circular bar stands in the middle, speckled glasses lining the shelves. A scruffy, dusty human male stares at Ben with one unwelcoming eye as he sits at the bar. 

Ben feels at home in the cantina, feels this is exactly where he needs to be after his voyage. Looking at the one-eyed man, Ben raps his knuckles on the countertop. Once the man stands before him, glaring, does the young man speak. 

“What do you have to drink?”

The man snorts, a derisive sound Ben finds almost insulting. Without taking his eye off him, the bartender reaches behind him for a bottle containing what Ben hopes is something alcoholic. Grabbing an oil can, the bartender fills it with the strange fluid and slides it over to Ben. Quirking an eyebrow, the offworlder peers inside his can and almost gags on the stench. The liquid looks like hyperfluid and chunks of _something_ float along the surface. A mean grin lifts the bartender’s mouth up, confident that the stranger before him will never put the drink to his pretty pink lips. 

Never one to back down from a challenge, Ben holds this man’s gaze as he lifts the oil can to his mouth. Knocking his head back, he takes a long swallow of the liquid. It tastes absolutely terrible, almost like sour spit; it leaves behind an aftertaste of motor fuel. Yet Ben also feels his teeth buzzing, his gums numb after only a single swallow. The inebriation he seeks is close, lying at the bottom of the oil can. He still holds the bartender’s gaze as he finishes the rest, slamming the oil can down. His long finger points into the can, indicating a refill. The bartender respectfully nods, topping Ben off once again. 

“Name’s Corwin,” the bartender introduces himself, setting the bottle under the bartop. His greasy hands splay against the countertop, boxing in Ben. The young man grunts an acknowledgment, staring at the spongy bits in his drink; he pokes one with a finger, surprised when it feels slightly rubbery. 

The bartender—Corwin—continues unperturbed by the sullen stranger sitting in silence. “What’s your business here on Jakku?”

Ben takes another swill of the awful liquid, swallowing whole a spongy bit and suppressing a grimace. Smacking his lips loudly once finished, Ben looks into Corwin’s eye. He can see the persistence burning in that singular eye, knows that he won’t easily be left alone by the bartender. Afterall, how many newcomers did this cantina see? Ben would bet he was the first in a long, long time. 

Sighing, he replies with a raw voice, “What makes you think I have business here?”

Corwin’s laugh breaks the sleepy trance of the cantina, a bright flash in a sea of darkness. Other patrons turn to look at them, to see what can make the grumpy employee laugh so openly. After a good minute, the other man finally looks at Ben, grinning. 

“Everyone who comes to Jakku has business; no one’s here willingly. Either you’re running away from something. Or…” Corwin flashes a bigger smile, revealing missing teeth amongst the rows of yellowed ones, “You’re here to catch something. So what is it, stranger?”

A wry, tired smile ghosts along his lips, his gaze still focused on the contents of his oil can. Bringing it up to his lips, Ben drinks more of the alcoholic beverage before looking at Corwin. The man is patient, silently staring until he gets the answer from Ben. 

“First tell me what in the maker’s name this drink is and then I’ll answer your question,” Ben bargains, all swagger and confidence. _Always get something for everything you give_ , a gravely voice tells him in the fogs of memories. 

Corwin snorts before giving in. “It’s called Knockback Nectar. Don’t exactly know what it’s made outta, but rumor has it they ferment it in oil barrels. It’s also the only drink we serve here.” 

Ben chuckles, understanding creeping over the hazy fog settled in his brain. The drink is taking its desired effect, the buzzing in his teeth fading from notice as his limbs begin feeling heavy with drink. 

“I’m here looking for something. Doesn’t belong to the person who has it now,” Ben replies, keeping his answer vague enough that the bartender is sure to follow up with more questions. 

He doesn’t disappoint when he asks, “Who?”

Ben kills his drink, letting the question hang heavy in the air between the two human men. Sliding the can towards Corwin so that it may be refilled again, Ben gives him his answer.

“His name is Unkar Plutt. You know where I might be able to find him?”

The bartender scoffs, an angry scowl twisting his face into disdain. “Yeah, I know that Blubberfish. Runs a junkyard over at Niima Outpost. If you ask me, I feel sorry for those poor bastards he’s got working for him. Though working is a real generous word to use; he damn near keeps them enslaved to him since he’s in control of the food and water supplies over there.”

“How far is Niima Outpost from here?” Ben asks, taking back the refilled oil can and taking another drink. He feels the ghosts of his past reaching out to him, their fingers barely grasping at his mind. The drunken stupor he’s bringing himself to will help, silencing their screams and thuds. Leaving him in peace, at least for the night. 

Corwin takes a moment, gazing thoughtfully at some point past Ben’s shoulder before answering, “A couple hours on foot, two on a speeder. You planning on walking there? I’d say wait till right before dawn so the sun don’t getcha.”

The same exhausted, wry smile from before lifts the corners of Ben’s mouth, though it does not reach his eyes. “Perfect. I’m beginning to enjoy this little cantina.”

Ben doesn’t notice the stranger across the bar staring at him, doesn’t feel their gaze never leaving him as he gets drunker and drunker. He doesn’t notice when the stranger leaves for a short period before coming back, still across from him and with a direct view. He doesn’t know that information regarding his whereabouts will garner some credits for the stranger, is completely unaware there’s a bounty for information on him. After all, Ben’s more focused on escaping his past demons to pay attention to any present threat. 

He remains in the bar for hours, laughing and joking with Corwin and other locals near him. His mind is happy, his heart light; a creeping darkness lingers on the margins of his inebriated haze that Ben pushes away with more Knockback Nectar. He can hardly walk straight as he leaves in the middle of the night, heading straight for Niima Outpost and Unkar Plutt.

_To get what belongs to me._

* * *

A black spherical droid floats into Cratertown early the next morning, as the sun breaks over the horizon. A white sixteen-rayed symbol settled within a white hexagon marks the left side of the droid, indicating its owner. It drifts towards the local cantina, stopping to face a one-eyed human male. 

It drops off a piece of holomail before turning around and disappearing into the vast Jakku desert.

* * *

_You’ve lived long enough, Ben Solo. It’s time for the Skywalkers to end and the First Order to rise. Don’t forget that you’re on borrowed time simply because I haven’t made my move yet._

_\- Supreme Leader Novastar_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, a double update this week!
> 
> i actually felt pretty bad about how boring and short the first two chapters are, so i decided to post two this week :) hopefully this chapter will let y'all get some insight into Ben's state of mind, what he's like in this story and how he's (not) coping with the violent murders of his parents
> 
> an OC finally appears! who is this mysterious Supreme Leader Novastar?!
> 
> your thoughts on this chapter are greatly appreciated!!! please comment and kudo, share with your friends :')
> 
> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://punkeraa.tumblr.com)
> 
> [Allanar N3 light freighter](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Allanar_N3_light_freighter)  
>  [Knockback Nectar](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Knockback_Nectar)  
>  [Cratertown](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cratertown)


	4. Chapter 4

For the first time in _years_ , Rey awakes without the sharp sting of hunger. She slept throughout the night, never once waking up from her deep slumber. Stealing the extra portion, whatever wrath she’d have to face from Plutt, was worth it. She lazes in bed, stretching her arms over her head, a small smile on her face. Yet she cannot remain motionless, knows that she has to move in order to survive. She gets ready, dressing herself and grabbing her satchel filled with supplies. 

Before exiting her home, Rey gazes longingly at the wall scratched and marked with thousands of tally marks. Her hand ghosts over it, looking up to see the start of it in a high corner. A familiar sadness coils within her, a familiar ache in her heart as she thinks of her family. It’s been fourteen years since she was left in Plutt’s care, yet the hope of her family returning keeps her going. Her family is worth everything, worth all the hungry nights and close calls scaling the hulls of fallen starships, worth putting up with Plutt’s blatant abuse. Rey’s family is enough to keep her on Jakku.

Hope marred at the edges with sadness and loneliness keeps Rey going. The thought of reunion pushes her into taking her steps in the morning, after every night spent without her family. 

Stepping into the bright morning sun of Jakku, Rey can already feel the heat radiating off the sand, can feel it beating down on her from above. Quarterstaff in hand, she walks to her speeder before the sound of angry Teedospeak reaches her ears. Curious, and procrastinating her inevitable showdown with Plutt, Rey follows the commotion. She climbs a dune, surefooted and steady before peering over the crest of hot sand. 

The small reptilian sentient is dwarfed by the ginormous human male standing over him, yet the Teedo doesn’t back down. They poke at him angrily, shouting curses in their native tongue. Knowing the small species to be violent, Rey descends the dune in a hurry in an attempt to deescalate the situation.

“ _What’s the problem here?_ ” Rey asks in Teedospeak, placing herself between the two of them. 

She catches a whiff of Knockback Nectar, nearly gags on the smell of it alone. She shoots a cursory glance at the human male, notices the dust on his clothes and the redness of his eyes. He _reeks_ of alcohol, the breeze carrying it towards her. Rey’s nose wrinkles in disgust. 

“ _This dumb human is wandering on my land! He wants to be here, he needs to pay me something!_ ” the Teedo replies hotly, accusing finger pointing straight at the stranger. 

Rey can’t help the roll of her eyes; Teedos are fiercely territorial beings, knows they are easily offended by any perceived slight. 

Yet she turns to the stranger, knowing it would be easier to depart with a small piece of junk than trying to outrun the Teedo. Narrowing her eyes, she studies him. Dark, unruly hair framing his face and ghosting along the collar of his cream shirt; pale face marked with a constellation of dark moles; rich brown eyes flecked with honey, attractive if not for the stark red in the whites. He towers over her as well, more mountain than man. 

“Do you have anything small to give the Teedo? They say you’re on their land and you’ve gotta pay the price for walking here,” Rey informs him. It takes the offworlder a moment before looking at her, bleary eyed and unfocused, uncertainty flickering across his features. 

“What?” he asks. 

She’s incredulous, hardly believing he was so drunk he didn’t comprehend what she had just said to him. Giving an angry huff, Rey repeats herself and watches as realization slowly creeps upon the man’s face. 

Digging into his knapsack, the stranger pulls out a comm device and chucks it over to the Teedo before turning his back and walking up the dune. Satisfied, the small reptilian sentient walks away with their new acquisition in hand. 

She chases after him, curious and still putting off walking towards Niima Outpost and Plutt. His long legs make it harder for her to catch him, yet Rey manages to walk side by side with him as they make their way towards Niima Outpost.

“Are you heading for the settlement?” she asks, looking up at him through squinted eyes. He hardly notices her, chooses to full on ignore her. Yet Rey persists, asking the question twice more until he finally exasperatedly sighs. 

Casting her a sideways glance, the man says, “I’m looking for Plutt. He’s got something of mine.”

She scoffs at that, recognizing the message between the lines. She hardly believes someone is contemplating stealing from Plutt. “Good luck with that, that Blubberfish would rather shoot you dead.”

A pause between them, him in the process of making a semi-drunk decision. The gateway of Niima appears before them, the settlement buzzing with activity. Rey sees the concession stand of Plutt, an anxious twist pulling at her stomach. 

“Where does he keep his ships?” the stranger asks, stopping to observe all the glory of Niima. If he’s disappointed, Rey can’t see it. She continues her walk, her pace slightly slowing. 

A twinge of _something_ flows between the stranger and the scavenger, a certain connection blossoming into fruition. Rey senses the bad blood between this man and the Crolute, jumps at a chance to help deal a blow to Plutt. 

“Not too far from here, actually.”

A smirk transforms his face, dark eyes alight with arrogant mischief. He silently implores her, his overall cocky demeanor slightly admirable to her—he’s someone who takes what he wants.

Rey points to the direction of the shipyard.

Only to be witnessed by Unkar Plutt himself, a murderous glare darkening his fat face. Recognition flashes in his beady eyes as he stares at the offworlder; a tinge of betrayal once he spots Rey with her outstretched arm. 

Her stomach sinks at the realization. Plutt’s marked her as an outsider, someone no longer in the realm of his protection nor welcomed anymore. For impulsively helping a stranger. 

She remembers Maggs, toothless and wrinkled and here for as long as anyone can recall. Rey remembers the heartbreaking loneliness, the nights where she’d felt so _sad_ she cried herself to sleep wishing for a family that never came back. She remembers days upon days without food, of having to carve out a bleak existence under the unforgiving Jakku sun. 

The young scavenger girl makes a decision.

Rey reaches for a large pale hand, gripping it tightly within her own as she begins running. Luckily he’s smart enough to follow her lead, eventually picking up his speed to surpass her. 

They near the ships as blasters begin firing rounds at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, our two characters finally meet! :)
> 
> would love to know what you think of this chapter and what your overall thoughts are regarding this story; your comments mean the absolute world to me. hopefully it's picking up for you! <3
> 
> also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NO TLJ SPOILERS OR RUMORS!!! i'm going to see it tomorrow evening and wanna go in as blind as i can, and it's also to be respectful for anyone else who ventures in these comments as well :)


	5. Chapter 5

Ben almost trips multiple times as he runs towards the shipyard of the settlement. Still drunk and weighed down by a scavenger girl certainly do not help him in his attempts of agility. He feels the thugs aim their blasters towards them and maneuvers accordingly.

“I’m too drunk and it’s too damn early for this shit,” he growls, the ships getting closer in sight. 

More rounds of blaster fire nearly hit them as they continue for the ships; the open expanse of Niima offers no cover, and the inhabitants watch on curiously. No one moves to help the duo; laughs and whistles fill the air the longer they remain alive. Ben’s heart jumps as he sees what he came for, barely concealed under a tarp meant to protect it from the sand. He begins running towards the ramp, graciously lowered and opened. As if sensing and awaiting his return. 

“Where are you going?!” the girl shrieks, tugging hard on his hand. She attempts to steer him towards a quadjumper a few meters away from Ben’s prize.

He ignores her, instead pulling her back towards the saucer-shaped freighter beckoning him back. More shots sizzle the air around them, filling the empty desert air with a burning acrid scent. Ben can’t risk getting hit and can’t waste any time attempting to convince the girl to run towards the Corellian freighter. He releases her small hand, making his way towards the _Millennium Falcon_. 

“That one’s garbage!” she argues, though she still follows him up the ramp and into the cool ship. 

A sense of homecoming washes over Ben as he quickly glances around his surroundings, inhaling deeply as his eyes flutter close. A triumphant smile breaks across his face, briefly transfixing the scavenger standing before him. 

As if suddenly remembering his unexpected—and slightly unwelcomed—companion, Ben gives her a quick look-over. He notices her tawny, freckled skin; vibrant hazel eyes much too bright and lively for a place such as Jakku; walnut hair neatly arranged into three buns. His gaze lingers on her full pink lips a moment too long before he stalks off towards the cockpit. There’s something about her that he strangely recognizes from some foggy place in the depths of his memories.

“Why are you following me?” he asks once he’s settled into the pilot’s chair, priming the engines to begin take off. 

Without skipping a beat, she plops into the seat next to him. She begins switching controls, activating the shields and an extra step Ben doesn’t remember ever doing. _Maybe Plutt messed with the_ Falcon _somehow_.

Huffing, she answers, “In case you didn’t notice, Plutt sent his cronies after the _both_ of us. Which means I’m no longer welcome here right now.”

She pauses, fixating her intense knowing gaze onto him. Her eyes slightly squint in distaste as she says, “And you need a pilot.”

“Pft, _I am_ the pilot sweetheart,” Ben haughtily replies. The engines come alive, the freighter lifting off the ground and leaving behind a flurry of sand. A blip on the screen indicating two small craft pursuing them causes the still-drunk Ben to curse as he clumsily pilots the Falcon. 

He swears he feels her roll her eyes before hearing, “You’re drunk; I’m not. I can pilot this thing better than you right now. So _trust_ me.”

A scoff almost escapes his lips. He can’t remember the last time he ever trusted someone, especially with something as precious as the _Falcon_. But desperate times calls for desperate measures, so he begrudgingly decides to rely on the stranger beside him. 

Ben turns to glare at the slip of a girl, notices the resolve in her eyes he hadn’t seen previously. The defiance is written plain as day on her face, her back straightened with the fact that she’s right and they both know it. Something about her sends a sharp sting of nostalgia and sadness through him, so he stands and stalks towards the gunner’s chair.

“I’m a better gunner anyway,” he grumbles on his way out.

Ben begrudgingly accepts that the girl _is_ a better pilot than him, and that she carries an advantage over him since this is her home turf. The way she navigates the _Falcon_ with ease through the decimated carcasses of felled Star Destroyers awes him, though she’ll never find that out. He focuses, inhaling and exhaling deeply as he lines up his shots with almost perfect precision. Ben blows one of the ships out of the sky, leaving behind a flaming metal cage crashing into the sands below. 

The other ship falls back momentarily before dashing in front of the freighter. Ben hears the scavenger growl in frustration as she’s forced to sharply turn left to avoid a collision. Any time she begins an upwards ascent, the other ship blocks the _Falcon_ and keeps them trapped in the stratosphere. Ben attempts firing at their attacker, but they keep close to the front and without a copilot, the girl can’t attack. 

“Do you need me to come up there?” he asks her through the headset. He feels useless in the gunner’s chair, no longer needed. His head begins clearing, the hangover cast away by the adrenaline rush of a dogfight so early in the morning. 

“If you think you can get this guy off our ass, then yeah.”

Standing to his full height, Ben begins the trek to the cockpit. It takes a few moments longer than usual, Ben having to grab onto something whenever she wildly dodges and dips the ship to avoid a collision while simultaneously attempting to break through into the vast expanse of space. Once or twice does he feel like chucking up the measly contents of his stomach before finally arriving into the cockpit. 

“Took you long enough,” the girl gripes in greeting as Ben sits in the copilot’s chair. He dutifully picks off a few long strands of thick brown fur from the console, a sardonic smile tugging at his lips. 

Powering up the two Arakyd ST2 concussion missiles, Ben again relaxes himself and feels for that dormant part of himself. Casting a net, sensing where the ship will be before it’s there, Ben shoots off a round. Yet he hits nothing, the enemy pilot having dipped to the right at the last possible second. 

However his presence still does something, as the ship no longer attempts to cut off the freighter’s ascent into space. They do begin firing from behind; the shields take most of the damage yet the girl reminds him that they can’t hold out forever. Finally breaking through into the blackness of space, Ben feels how close they are to getting out of this; elation fills his chest. Standing once again to go sit in the gunner’s chair, he stops when a sleek black starship appears out of nowhere. 

“Oh great,” the girl groans, seeing the newly arrived ship as another obstacle to overcome. This new ship’s weapons system is online, targeting the _Falcon_.

Instead of them being struck, Plutt’s henchman becomes nothing more than stardust and debris as the new ship takes the unsuspecting goon out. Ben catches the sigil of the First Order on the craft right before it makes a jump into hyperspace, his mouth suddenly dry as the Jakku surface. He sits once more, face ashen. 

_If the First Order knows I’m here...than that means_ she _knows I’m here_. 

He gulps, that horrid fear clawing its way through his insides as his hands begin trembling. 

_I need a drink._

With space finally clear of anyone trying to shoot them down, the girl smiles victoriously at him. Ben notices how it brightens her face; a flower in the desert, breathtaking. He looks away, staring at the empty expanse laying before them. 

“Who do you think that starship belongs to, and why would they help us? And where to?” she asks, priming the hyperdrive. Not answering, Ben simply punches in coordinates and engages the hyperdrive, sending them into a wormhole towards his destination. 

“Nice piloting,” he whispers as he gets up.

His feet move of their own accord, taking him to the galley area. He rummages through cabinets, searching through the packets of dried rations and drinks. Hidden in the corner of a dusty, forgotten cabinet, Ben’s hand seizes around a bottle. Bringing it out and up to his face, Ben opens it and gulps the content deeply. The Corellian brandy burns down his throat, though it is more welcome than the pain of memories. 

The girl stands before him, watching with a curious mix of disappointment and pity coloring her freckled face. 

“What’s your name?” he asks, pushing past her and towards the cockpit once more.

“I’m Rey. Who are you?”

Slinking into the pilot’s chair, he props his long legs up on the console. He takes another swig of the brandy before answering. 

“My name’s Ben Solo. Thanks for helping me steal back the _Millennium Falcon_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's where the story _really_ starts! ;) 
> 
> i hope you've enjoyed this chapter! it was a lot of fun to write and honestly the story is picking up from here on out! make sure to subscribe so you can keep up to date. i would love to hear what you think in the comments, and your kudos are massively appreciated! <3
> 
> massive thanks to [anythingtomakeyoustay](http://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingtomakeyoustay/pseuds/anythingtomakeyoustay) for beta'ing this chapter! go read her new post-TLJ fic [ashes in our wake](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13069188/chapters/29896779) \- IT'S SO GOOD AND I CAN ALREADY FEEL THE ANGST


	6. Chapter 6

Rey’s mouth pops open at the stranger’s admission. She tears her gaze off him, looking at her surroundings and trying to place this with the ship she’d imagined whenever hearing the stories. It’s nothing like she pictured it, but somehow...it makes sense that this is in fact the infamous _Millennium Falcon_. The tall stranger heads for the cockpit.

“This is really the ship that made the Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs?” Rey wonders aloud as she follows, reverently touching a panel scratched with age. A girlish giddiness bubbles up inside of her, threatens to make her jump up and down with joy. If this man is to be believed, then Rey currently stands within a _legend_!

She hears him lift the bottle up, hears him greedily gulp the amber liquid down. Some of her elation drops—this man clearly has a drinking problem, is actively running away from demons he can’t or won’t face. Rey sinks back into the copilot’s chair, watching him guardedly out of the corner of her eye. 

“It actually did it in twelve. If my old man was here, he’d chew you out for getting it wrong.” There’s a red flush to his cheeks, adding some vitality to his exhausted features. His rich brown eyes are alive with drink, a dark abyss she could get lost in. 

Rey swivels her seat, directly facing him. Steel hardens within her squinting gaze as she leans in, resting her elbows atop her knees. Fingers steepled, she closely examines this man once more. 

“So you’re really the son of Han Solo then?” she finally questions after a few moments of tense silence. The man— _Ben_ , she reminds herself—nearly finishes the alcohol before she interrupts him with her inquiry. 

Cocking a dark eyebrow at her, Rey’s attention wanders to his lips. A bead of amber alcohol sticks to his bottom lip, calling her focus to it. Ben flirtingly flicks the tip of his tongue out, wiping away the liquid. Her face is flush from being caught but she still looks directly into his eyes. 

He laughs, a harsh sarcastic sound that fills the delicate silence between them. His smile is cynical, something for show. _The laugh of a broken man_ , she notes with pity. 

“Yeah, once upon a time Han Solo was my father. I’m assuming even you’ve heard of him down on that dirtball.”

Rey’s face involuntarily scrunches up, insulted he would think of her homeworld as something so beneath him. Surely, Jakku isn’t an ideal vacation spot and Rey would’ve certainly chosen a different planet to live the last fourteen years on...but it is still home.

Her face shifts, suddenly crestfallen. Helping Ben, commandeering one of the shuttle’s under Plutt’s possession, no longer being planetside… Rey can no longer think of the desert planet as home. She has nowhere in the universe to turn anymore, an orphan truly alone in the immense galaxy she finds herself in. 

Misreading her downturn in emotions, Ben awkwardly pats her back. “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Jakku isn’t all that bad.”

Brushing him off, Rey looks him directly in the eye. “I’ve heard that the child of Han Solo made quite a name for himself in smuggling circles. You go by the codename Kylo Ren and you run with the Star Jammers. Are you still with them?”

His chest puffs up with pride at the mention of his codename, a self-assured grin making Ben appear more handsome than Rey initially thought he was. But there’s something hidden within his eyes, something shifting and hardening in the depths at the continued mentioning of his father. 

“No. I’m by myself now,” Ben says. He turns from her, continuing to look at the blue-white streaks from the transparisteel viewport. His jaw hardens, his knuckles bone-white with the sheer force he’s exerting on them as he grips the bottle. 

Rey keeps pressing, however, because her entire life just got upended by this drunk smuggler. He owes her something, and she’ll be damned if he doesn’t realize that. 

“Are you starting a new crew then? I’m very good with tech and I’m an excellent pilot. I’ll be very useful to you.” 

Ben barks out another cold laugh, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes for added effect. Rage and embarrassment bubble within Rey at the sight of this obnoxiously irritable man; she puts herself on the line for him and he returns that favor by laughing in her face! Shutting her eyes, taking deep breaths, she attempts to calm herself before doing something violently rash. 

“Maybe I should keep you around just for the laughs,” he says, amusement coloring his voice for a moment. It hardens instantly with his next statement. “But no, Rey. I’m not starting a new crew so you won’t be joining me. I’m disappearing.”

“What does that even mean? Why get your father’s ship—a most excellent ship for smuggling, mind you—if you’re just going to run away?” she asks, flabbergasted. She can’t understand the enigma of a man seated next to her. _What is he running away from?_

A certain heaviness befalls his shoulders, slumping and aging him well beyond his actual years. Rey sees the fear in his eyes, the anxiety in how his leg won’t stop bouncing wildly up and down. Whatever he’s running from is something he’s been doing for a long, long while. 

“I’m done with this galaxy, and that’s all you need to know about it,” Ben bites out harshly. 

Sensing that particular branch of conversation is over—for now—Rey asks another question that’s chewed at her ever since he revealed the name of the vessel she finds herself upon. 

“How’d you locate the _Falcon_ in the first place?”

He snorts, rolling his eyes at her as if the answer is right in front of her. Rey fights the urge to stick her tongue out at him, opting to fold her arms across her chest and looking pointedly at him instead. 

“It’s not clean. Whoever had it before Plutt didn’t clean it, and an old buddy of mine was in the Western Reaches about a week ago when he picked it up on his scanners. So I came to get what’s rightfully mine,” he explains. 

An alarm emits from the control panel, signaling their exit out of hyperspace. A small blue planet covered with spots of lush green fill the viewport. Rey’s heart somersaults in her chest, a slow smile creeping up her face. Tears blur her vision, though she quickly blinks them away before her surly traveling companion sees.

“Where are we?” she breathes as Ben pilots them into the atmosphere of the vibrant planet.

“Takodana.”

Rey doesn’t stop the tear from falling down her cheek, too awestruck by the beautiful planet right outside the cockpit. She misses the way Ben looks at her, studying her closely; an actual smile tugs at his lips watching her. 

“I’ve never seen this much green in the whole galaxy. Didn’t think this much actually existed,” she continues. Ben takes them over abundant evergreen forests towering mighty and tall into the sky, over shimmering lakes reflecting warm sunlight. 

“I’m gonna get the Falcon cleaned up here and then I’ll be on my way,” he says warily. Rey turns sharply, her happiness evaporated. “I’ll leave you with some credits for your trouble, but I’m leaving you here Rey. You’re not going with me past this point.”

She gets up abruptly, stalking her way towards the sleeping quarters and locking herself in. Rage rocks her frame, angry tears clouding her vision as what Ben Solo just said sinks in. 

_I’m being left behind again, on another strange planet where I know nobody. Someone I_ helped _is leaving me behind! Kriffing asshole_ , she thinks as she wipes the tears from her eyes.

An idea, unexpected and pleasantly simple, pops into her mind. 

“This is a smuggling ship,” Rey mumbles to herself as she stands and leaves the room. “There are plenty of places to hide.”

_I_ refuse _to be left behind_ again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is unbeta'd so all mistakes here are mine
> 
> the [Star Jammers](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Star_Jammers) have been repurposed for Reasons in this story!
> 
> the first real conversation between Rey and Ben, and of course he's a total ass towards her. i would love to know what you think of this installment! thank you to everyone who's written out a comment and left a kudo - your support means the absolute world to me and i've reread them a few times :') i'm so happy this story of mine has caught your interest! 
> 
> come say hi to me on [tumblr](http://punkeraa.tumblr.com/ask), check out this [moodboard](http://punkeraa.tumblr.com/post/168050299371/scars-a-smugglerben-x-jedirey-au-certain-scars) i've made for the story, talk to me about The Reylo, and i'll see you all next year ;)


	7. Chapter 7

The smuggler and the scavenger walk together in silence, weaving their way through beautiful forest alongside a cool blue lake. The sun warms their backs, the breeze dancing through their hair. The look of wonder in Rey’s eyes is not lost to Ben; he quite enjoys the way it lights up her hazel eyes, brings more attention to the gold in her gaze. He wants to break the silence, hates the resentment that keeps her quiet, but he knows she’s angry with him. 

_Rightfully so. I_ did _kind of ruin her life in the span of a morning_ , he glumly thinks. _I ruin everything and everyone I come into contact with._

He picks up his pace, long legs carrying him forward. The chirp of avians above provide distracting background noise, something for Ben to focus on. He doesn’t want to think of the roiling emotions within himself, doesn’t want to acknowledge how he so desperately craves a drink. Being within his father’s ship dredged up more ghosts than he’s comfortable admitting. 

As they break through the forest, an ancient castle looms mighty and proud over the ancient trees and glittering lakes surrounding it. Ben grins, the familiarity of the building bringing with it good memories. The grey stone walls provide solace for the young man, a protective layer of granite against the harsh realities of the outside world. There’s almost a bounce in his step the closer he gets to the doors. 

Rey finally breaks her silence. “What is this place?”

He glances at her, a wide smile lighting his features. Ben spreads his arms, the whole expanse of the castle right behind him. He sees her responding smile, his heart skipping a beat before he faces away from her again. 

“This is Maz’s castle. She’s an old friend of mine; you’ll like her.”

They walk past Maz’s statue, her arms spread in welcoming as the hundreds of colorful flags ruffle in the wind. Ben inhales the fresh air of Takodana deeply, delighting in the peaceful warm feeling spreading throughout his chest. He thinks he can actually sleep here, without the nightly visits from dead parents or disembodied threatening voices. On Takodana, Ben can simply be a man, one of thousands upon thousands in the known galaxy.

He notices the way Rey timidly approaches the towering red doors, her hand reflexively going for the staff on her back. He can’t help the chuckle from becoming an actual laugh as she squints at him. She’s still upset with him, he knows, but she’s...calmer about it than he anticipated her being. 

_Perhaps she’s come around to staying here_ , he tells himself as he pushes the door open. 

The great hall boasts many beings from all walks of life. A band plays typical cantina music in one corner as droids bustle around with trays in their hands. All sorts of beings walk and mingle in relative harmony. Ben sees a game of Dejarik coming to a close, notices the wrong move the player takes that costs them the game. Looking over his shoulder, his eyes catch Rey’s as she absorbs everything unfolding in front of them. Motioning towards him, he waits until she’s besides him to resume his walk. 

It would be easy to miss Maz Kanata as she gracefully maneuvers through the throngs of people in her castle. But Ben could never oversee her, another smile breaking across his face as he catches sight of a tiny pale orange humanoid making her way through a particularly dense part of her catina. Her eyes hidden behind enormous glasses—which really serve more like goggles—lock onto his the moment he finds her. A tender yet devious grin lifts the old pirate’s lips up as she walks towards her new arrivals.

“And to what do I owe this great pleasure, Ben?” Maz greets, opening her arms up and beckoning him for a hug. 

He hears Rey suppress a giggle as he gets to his knees, returning Maz’s embrace wholeheartedly. 

“Can’t a guy just come visit his favorite pirate without any ulterior motives?” he jokes as he stands, following Maz to her own private table in a quiet corner near the back. From this position, they can see all who come and go with their backs to a sturdy and fortified wall. 

A harsh bark of laughter escapes Maz, the sound entirely too loud for such a small being to emit. When he hears Rey laugh as well, Ben grins and winks at her. The furious flush of her face is an image he’ll treasure forever. 

The three of them sit at the table, plates and cups already waiting for them. Bowls of fruit and cooked meat lay in the center, beckoning them. He grabs a plump fruit, biting into its soft crimson flesh. A burst of flavor dances on his tongue, sticky sweet juice dribbling down his chin as he chews. Rey hesitantly grabs what he did, following his lead; he doesn’t miss the way her eyes flutter close at the heavenly taste of the fruit.

_Poor girl has probably never had fresh fruit before_ , he notes with a pang of sadness. Ben begins feeling slightly grateful that she ended up as his travelling companion, however brief their time together will be. At least he got her off that wasteland and into a lively, beautiful place, somewhere she truly belongs. 

He quickly averts his gaze from her, no longer wanting to linger on the fact of her breathtaking yet wild beauty.

“Ben Solo, you are so much like your father,” Maz chides, throwing a napkin at his face. “You insult my intelligence. Tell me what you want.”

Clearing his throat, Ben decides on the outright truth. It’s always worked with Maz; she appreciates straightforwardness and there’s no reason to deny her that now after so many years and when she’d been so helpful to him as a lost youth. 

“I got the _Falcon_ back and I need it cleaned. I’m leaving Known Space.” 

His statement rings with such conviction and finality that Ben almost can’t believe it’s his voice. When had he ever sounded so powerful, so sure of his next step? He honestly cannot remember.

Rey drops the nearly finished fruit onto her plate, crossing her arms as a dark look overcomes her face. She won’t look at him, her gaze directly on the pirate before her. 

“Hmm,” Maz drawls, eyes bouncing back and forth between the pair. Her knowing gaze finally lands on Ben, and he wishes she would look elsewhere. 

“Have you ever thought that perhaps you should stop running from this, Ben?” the pirate asks. She lifts a finger to stop any protests from him as she continues, “This is a fight you’ve been running from for a long time, young Solo. Maybe the way to end your pain is to confront it rather than hide from it.”

His leg rapidly bounces, his nails digging crescent moons into the soft flesh of his palm, his jaw locked and tightened. Ben glares at Maz, his anxious irritation radiating off him in waves. He doesn’t care though, wants to make his old friend uncomfortable in order to stop this line of conversation. Rey warily glances between the two, gaze remaining on him a moment longer. 

“You don’t know a thing about my pain,” he grits out, teeth clenched so hard he feels a tension headache blooming near his temples. Ben tries relaxing, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply to center himself. Yet his anger remains, and his frustration and self-loathing multiply. 

_There’s too much anger in you Ben_ , says the voice of a living legend. _You need to let go. Remember, there is no death. Only the Force._

“You’re right, I don’t. But I get the distinct feeling that the person you’re running from will never stop chasing you, Ben.” Maz sighs, her shoulders slumping and her thousand years finally showing in the worried look she wears. “Another letter came for you about an hour ago. This one is different from the others.”

A derisive snort breaks his tense silence as his eyes shoot open, noticing the holopad she pushes towards him. “You reading my mail now, you old pirate?”

Her small eyes squint in anger at him, and Ben regrets his harsh tone with her. He knows she’s simply trying to help, but he’s _so tired_ of others telling him what to do. As if they know how he should react, how and what he should do with all his rage and pain. His fists clench harder, breaking skin. 

Maz ignores his jab, instead ruffles around her vest to produce a long silver tube. Ben gulps at the sight of it, instantly recognizing the weapon the castle’s matron holds out for him. 

“You should seek your uncle again. Enough time has passed since you ran away, enough time for the both of you to grow and change. Take the lightsaber, Ben. Please,” she implores. Concern flashes bright and unbidden within the depths of Maz’s eyes, maternal protection nearly driving her to beg. 

Ben stares at the Skywalker lightsaber, memories long since buried painfully resurfacing to the forefront of his mind. 

A six year old boy arriving on an unknown and unfamiliar planet, lonely and so very afraid. His Uncle Luke, a pillar of calm despite the horrifying news of his twin sister and best friend murdered in cold blood. 

An eleven year old Ben, waking in the middle of the night and screaming his throat raw from recurrent nightmares. The unhelpful advice of his lone family member telling him to let go of his anger, let go of his grief. _Why isn’t he sad Mom and Dad are dead, why doesn’t he want to do something about it, why is he telling me to_ forget _them?_

Sixteen years old, rain and lightning splitting the livid dark sky. His uncle, much older and weary, a rare hint of anger hidden in the calm blue of his knowing eyes. Demanding Ben let go of his fury and revenge, that they will consume him if he doesn’t let them go. _You can’t be a Jedi if you continue on this way!_

Ben’s eyes never leaving the hilt of the unignited blade. “I’m no Jedi,” he murmurs.

Sighing, Maz retracts her hand and sets the lightsaber onto the table, near the food. “Then I’ll have your ship cleaned. It’ll take a few days though, to get all the necessary equipment. You two can obviously stay here.”

Gaze suddenly focused on Rey, the old pirate suddenly crawls on the table and takes the girl’s hand. She shoves the blade into Rey’s grip, the confusion darkening her hazel eyes as her brow knits together. Ben sees the question flashing in her mind: _what does this have to do with me?_

He impulsively stands and walks towards another part of the cantina. He’s glad he doesn’t have to deal with the lightsaber, better it be in the hands of someone else than him. Ben searches for a drink to chase away the memories he’s attempting to run from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh, poor Ben - running away from his pain instead of confronting it head on. but it's a tough thing to face your trauma, and the path towards healing most often than not is nonlinear; our smuggler will find his way though :) would love to know what you think of the direction i'm taking this story in; what your thoughts are of Ben and Rey here and the direction you'd like to see their relationship go in 
> 
> also happy new year!!! i hope the holiday was safe and wonderful for all of you, and that this upcoming year brings nothing but an abundance of light and good vibes your way :) massive shout out to everyone who's left a comment; it really, truly means the absolute world to me! my face lights up and i squeal when i see a new comment's been left for me ^^ please leave a comment and a kudo, and hit the subscribe button <3
> 
> many thanks to my wonderful beta ladylionhart - go check out her fics!


	8. Chapter 8

Rey stands, unsure of what to do as she watches Ben’s retreating figure slip and disappear into the throng of bodies. The blade clatters noisily onto the table, forgotten for the moment. Her fingers tense and relax repeatedly, apprehension and uncertainty escaping her through bodily movements. She’s unsure of whether to sit back down or not; after all, Maz is Ben’s friend, not hers. 

As if sensing her doubts, the pirate queen extends a hand towards the table, welcoming Rey to take her seat back. Grabbing a round purple fruit with white stripes, Maz places it on the young human’s plate before settling back down into her own chair. 

“Jogan fruit is delicious, and I have a feeling you’ll enjoy it,” the castle matron says, a twinkle in her magnified eyes. Rey hesitantly picks up the fruit, taking a small nibble before ripping into it with abandon. Refreshing and sweet, she decides she very much enjoys fruit and that making the decision to help Ben out led to something good afterall. 

“So how did you meet Ben?” Maz asks, cutting into a piece of cooked meat before popping a bite-size portion into her mouth. She stares directly at her guest, a hard and unforgiving look that does not tolerate lies or half-truths. 

Swallowing a piece of fruit, Rey reaches for a cup of deliciously cool water. The liquid quenches her parched throat, giving her courage to talk. Bitterness coils in her stomach, tight and uncomfortable, as she remembers she’d be planetside on the beautiful green world for who knows how long. 

“I helped him steal back the _Millennium Falcon_ off of Jakku,” Rey replies, never breaking eye contact. She grips her cup tightly, bringing it to her lips once more. With so much water readily available, she drinks with gusto, afraid of when it’ll be taken away by a cruel stroke of fate. Maz may be friendly now, but Rey knows from experience kindness usually does not last. 

The small orange humanoid laughs, tilting her head back and letting out a booming sound. It shocks Rey, her eyes wide with surprise. 

“Knowing that boy, I can’t imagine he willingly asked for help. How did you get roped into this mess with him?” Maz questions, curiosity magnified by her goggles. Leaning forward, she squints at Rey, eyes roaming across the young woman’s face. Rey feels heat blossom across her cheeks, shifting her gaze away towards a dusty ceiling corner; she’s unfamiliar with so much attention, unsure of what to do when someone studies her so closely. She pinches at the top of her wrist, anything to distract her from Maz’s intense stare. 

Swallowing a lump, Rey returns her gaze back to the orange alien. “I pointed him towards the ships, and my...boss saw me doing it. He read it as an act of betrayal and sent his henchmen after the both of us. Ben was also too drunk to pilot properly, so yeah,” she finishes lamely. Her fingers still pinch at her wrist, the skin red with irritation. 

Maz shakes her head sadly, looking down at her plate. Her fork moves a piece of meat around, her expression a mixture of hurt and concern. Jealousy rippled with loneliness dully stabs through Rey, wishing more than anything that she had someone to worry over her the way Maz frets about Ben. A scowl sets on her face as she thinks, _Ben has what I want so badly and he’s leaving it all behind._

“Why is he running away?” Rey questions, desperately needing to understand his reasonings. “Because of him my entire life has been turned upside down, and I deserve an answer.”

She’s once again trapped by that knowing gaze, a smirk tugging at Maz’s lips. “Quite the feisty one, aren’t you? I suppose for all the trouble that boy’s caused you, I could regale you with a story. It seems to me it won’t matter much since he’s so dead set on leaving everything behind.”

Snapping her fingers, Maz shouts for an Emmie. An ancient protocol droid with peaky spikes on its legs, arms, and head wobbles over to their table seconds later. The droid’s dull bronzium plating draws Rey’s breath away; she’d never seen such a hauntingly pretty robot before! _No loose wiring or exposed circuitry_ , she notes as she openly stares. Carrying a jug, the droid refills their cups with water before walking away.

Clearing her throat and sitting straighter, the pirate queen levels Rey with an intense stare, commanding full attention. Though not possessing an overwhelming desire to know Ben’s backstory, Rey provides her complete focus, resting her arms on the table and leaning in. 

“Do you know who his parents are, child?” Maz starts.

“I know his father is Han Solo,” Rey dutifully replies with a firm nod of her head. 

“A scoundrel and a rogue, he was. His mother is Leia Organa, a hero of the Rebellion.” Rey’s eyes go wide with wonderment—she’d heard stories of the beautiful Alderaanian princess from passing travelers, a war hero in her own right, a woman who lost everything she’d ever known yet continued fighting. “And his uncle...Luke Skywalker.”

An audible gasp escapes Rey as she flinches backwards, slowly blinking. Had she heard that right? Ben truly comes from such an impressive lineage, one comprised of total legends? Why would he ever run from that?

“The three of them were instrumental in the Galactic Civil War thirty years ago, his father and uncle helping take down and destroy the first Death Star, his mother involved with the second. But that type of celebrity attracts attention, creates enemies within the shadows. 

“Some Imperials slipped through the fledgling Republic’s fingers, disappearing into Unknown Space. One such person was a close advisor and personal assassin to the late Emperor—Otara Novastar. Gathering some of the remaining Imperial factions, she consolidated them under her own thumb, remerging as the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Han and Leia knew Novastar held an intense grudge against them; she’d sent several bounty hunters to murder the young family so many times they eventually went into hiding. 

“Until one day, when Ben was only a young child, did Novastar herself come to finish the job. Somehow she’d found out their location, a remote family home in the lake countries of a peaceful world. She murdered Han and Leia as Ben hid in the spot his mother placed him in. For whatever twisted reason, Novastar allowed the young child to live. 

“A friend of his mother’s found him a few hours after the fact, along with the Wookie Chewbacca. Together they brought him to Luke’s Jedi training temple on some forgotten planet, where he learned the Jedi ways before running away to me at sixteen,” Maz concludes, shoulders sagging with an intense sadness. _It’s obvious how much she cares for Ben_ , Rey observes with that same jealous loneliness. 

Rey sits back, not sure how to react to all that personal information. The surly smuggler suddenly makes a little more sense to her, another lonely soul in a galaxy of billions. 

“No wonder he drinks so much,” she breathes, staring a hole into the wall behind Maz. “No wonder he’s running away.”

“For the last twenty-three years Ben’s led a life of pain, let that hurt dictate almost everything he does,” Maz sighs, shaking her head once more. 

_You’re not going with me past this point_ , he told her as they prepared for landing on the planet’s surface. That bitter coil tightens in Rey’s gut, a hard edge overcoming her soft features. Though she pities him for the life he’s had, she can’t shake her anger. His actions are too familiar, too hurtful for her to let it be done once again. 

“He’s planning on leaving me here. Abandoning me on a world where I know no one. Just like my mother,” Rey murmurs. Her lids flutter close in an attempt to hide the moisture shining within her eyes, a long buried memory skitting across her mind. 

_I’ll come back for you Rey_ , a woman promised all those years ago, the features of her face long lost to the sands of time. 

Rey waited and waited on the barren wasteland of Jakku, starving for so many years as she worked her fingers raw nearly everyday of her life thus far. A half forgotten tune, a promise she prayed would not be broken, and soft gentle hands anchoring Rey to the sands for fourteen years. She stayed with Plutt, dealt with his abuse so that her mother would come back and bring her home. The Crolute morphed into something of a parent for the young scavenger, someone who provided food for her whenever she brought scraps worth something. She grew to rely on him, in a way; it made it easier to pretend he was caring for her when his cruelty nearly became too much for her. His familiarity made it easier for her to remain rooted within his grasp.

Maz’s soft voice breaks the spell of memory, bringing Rey back to the present. That knowing spark is back in the pirate’s eyes. “But you don’t plan on letting that happen, do you?”

Gulping down a lump of tears, Rey shakes her head fiercely. “Absolutely not. There are plenty of places to hide on a smuggling freighter.”

Abruptly pushing off her seat, Maz walks to Rey. She grabs the legendary lightsaber off the table, shoving it into Rey’s unsuspecting grasp, closing her fingers around it before pulling back. The castle matron gazes hard at Rey, her head held high.

“I have a feeling that you and young Solo won’t be separated any time soon. There’s a certain... _balance_ you bring to one another. Take the saber, Rey,” Maz cryptically states before walking off and away from her.

* * *

Rey stands in the middle of the surrounding forest, a few klicks away from the castle. After her conversation with Maz, she felt an overwhelming urge to _leave_ , to clear her mind. The saber feels comfortable within her palm, something about it familiar and safe to her.

With the setting sunlight bathing the evergreen surroundings in a warm orange glow, Rey thumbs the ignition switch. A soft light of sapphire bursts into life, a gentle hum filling the eerily quiet forest. A name, carried on the wind. 

_Luke._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey everybodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 
> 
> so i know it's been a super long time since i last posted; my life this past month has gone through some changes. i'm back in school, i'm getting my masters which is exciting. but it's also a lot of work, and i'm more exhausted than i've ever been. i'm still adjusting to the amount of homework, but unfortunately that means i don't have as much energy to focus on writing. i've got the next two chapters of this story written already, and a full outline, but my posting schedule may not be as regular as they were D: i'm so sorry for that! but i hope you like the story enough to stick with me until i get the swing of things 
> 
> anyway, i would love to know your thoughts on the chapter! what do you think of Novastar and the new information we have regarding her? your comments mean the absolute world to me <3 
> 
> [jogan fruit](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jogan_fruit)
> 
> [Emmie](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Emmie)


	9. Chapter 9

Ben lies awake for the second night in a row, wrestled from sleep by recurring violent nightmares. Pale moonlight illuminates his desolate room in Kanata’s castle through a thin window, chasing away demons and bringing with it a sadness he’s carried nearly his entire life. Soulful brown eyes slowly blink closed, a trembling breath drawn in as he begins to hum a melancholy tune. His lips form the words out of memory.

_Mirrorbright, shines the moon, it’s glow as soft as an ember  
When the moon is mirrorbright, take this time to remember_

He remembers a larger-than-life woman clad in white, her hair done in elaborate braids reminiscent of a long gone home. Whenever his child-self asks his mother about her hair, an engulfing sadness nearly swallows her whole before she blinks away the tears. Leia’s fingers combing through his unruly black waves, deftly calming the chaos into a simple braid. Ben chases that long forgotten peace as it slips through his fingers, barely out of reach.

_Those you have loved but are gone  
Those who kept you so safe and warm_

A small home in the isolated lake countries of a beautiful green planet; Ben immediately fell in love with the new world his family moved to. His father, chasing him through the tall wild grass before catching him and swooping him into his protective embrace. The way Han would ruffle his hair, undoing the hard work of his wife. A five year old Ben playing with his father outside, pretending to navigate an asteroid field under the Naboo sun. 

_The mirrorbright moon lets you see  
Those who have ceased to be_

Ben sits up, violently tearing the sheets off his body. Grabbing his toolkit, he exits the temporary room and heads for his father’s ship.

* * *

He skips breakfast again, grabbing a few pieces of fruit off the table before walking back out to continue repairing his freighter, hair braided back and out of his face. Maz looks on knowingly, something akin to heartbreak in her eyes. No doubt the old pirate sees the ugly bruise-like crescent moons under his eyes, knows he’s hardly been sleeping. Rey stares at him with oblivious curiosity, a hopeful spark that perhaps Ben changed his mind about her. 

The twenty-nine year old says nothing to either of them. He just wants to be away from the galaxy, away from the pain once and for all. 

The holopad in his pocket with the latest message from his worst nightmares burns, still unopened.

* * *

It’s midday when Ben decides to take a break, sweat coating his body in a shine. His white undershirt carrying grease stains, the collar slightly yellowed from his exertion; a testament to his hard and seemingly never ending work on the _Falcon_. Taking a long gulp of the Starfire ‘skee bottle he’d taken from behind the bar—Maz could bill him for it later—Ben walks towards the calming forest with the determination to open the hololetter. 

Yet after a few minutes of walking, a surprised shriek followed by bell-chime giggles catches his attention. Walking towards the lovely sound, Ben stops short at the sight of Rey. She crouches, an open palm pressed against the rich muddy soil as it supports her weight; the other hand splashing in a thin, tiny stream of crystal water. Sunlight reflects off it beautifully, small rainbows lighting the air. 

Clearing his throat, Ben offers a simple nod as the girl whips around to face him. Her carefree features harden briefly before beginning to soften once more, a sullen pout on her distracting lips making his heart do something funny.

“You look horrible,” she greets, returning her attention back to the stream. Her hand no longer splashes wildly; her fingers dip within the clear water, joyful to experience something so deliciously foreign to her. 

Ben lowers himself beside her, the ground pleasantly soft. Tugging at the end of his braid, he fumbles with his words. He knows he’s been an ass to her, ignoring Rey after shaking up her life a few days ago. He avoids her, simply because he doesn’t want to face the guilt or the responsibility he believes he owes her. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, staring intently at the water before him. Rey turns her head slightly, peeking at him through long lashes that fan across her freckled face. He wants to run the ridges of his knuckles against her cheekbone, to feel the softness of her face and marvel at how she comes from such a harsh world like Jakku. Ben stomps down the urge, burying it deep within himself. He doesn’t need to get attached to a girl he’s abandoning. 

“Hmm, for what exactly?” she challenges, turning her full attention towards him. Her arms lean back, fingers sinking into the moist soil behind her as Rey faces him. Their knees bump, the slightest of touches connecting them together. 

The jade of her eyes nearly overwhelms the browns and golds, the surrounding foliage bringing more focus to it. Ben swallows, shaking his head to get a grip over himself. How had he not noticed her beauty before?

“Everything, I guess. You didn't have to help me on Jakku, but you did. And I know you can’t just go back like nothing happened; that’s not how places like Niima work. I upended your whole life and I’m just dumping you in a strange place,” Ben gushes, the words tumbling clumsily out of his mouth. 

He holds her gaze, his fingers absently picking out small clumps of grass. Rey’s defiance and anger begin melting, her posture less hostile. It’s almost enough for him to stop what he says next, but he pushes forward, knowing he owes it to the scavenger. 

“But it’s still what’s going to happen. It’s really for the best, Rey. Trust me,” he murmurs, slight desperation causing his voice to hitch. 

The anger returns, though not as strongly. There’s something else in her eyes, something like sorrow darkening them. Ben notices the way her fingers flex in the dirt, burying them deeper. She looks away, glaring at a tree. 

“You at least owe me an explanation, then. Why are you running Ben?”

And his name sounds so lovely from her, the way her accent plays with the letters to create something different. He wants her to continue saying his name; knowing it won’t happen, he stores the memory away for nights he can’t sleep. 

Pulling out his holopad, Ben tosses it up once in the air before expertly catching it. He stares at it, at the message within it that no doubt taunts him. He should’ve known one would be waiting for him; Maz’s castle serves as his unofficial home. He always eventually comes back to Kanata and the safety of her fortress. Rey looks on expectantly with a patience he knows he doesn’t deserve.

Holding the holopad between the two of them, Ben sighs as he fumbles with the technology with trembling fingers. “My mom and dad were murdered a few feet away from me when I was a kid. Whoever killed them has been after me since, and I’m tired of it. That’s what I’m running from Rey.”

The girl’s eyes shine with compassion, her shoulders slumping as a hand tentatively reaches out. Two thin tanned fingers rest on the pulse point of his pale wrist, a steady thumping against her fingertips. Rey’s gaze never wavers, and he finds himself looking away lest she see the moisture in his eyes.

“Your parents were Rebellion heroes—wouldn’t they want their son to stand up and fight whatever monster is hunting him?” Rey murmurs, her face so close he can see the baby hairs framing her face.

Ben stiffens, rigid with fury. “My parents died because they were Rebellion heroes—wouldn’t they want their son to live?” he hisses through clenched teeth. Ben whips to face her, their foreheads softly colliding into one another. 

Rey sees his anger, backs away slightly as she winces at his harshness. Her mouth starts to move again, starts to form words he’s unsure he wants to hear. So Ben thumbs a button, the holopad filling with a small blue silhouette. 

It’s impossible to correctly guess someone’s height passed off a transmission, but the human woman bathed in blue before them holds herself as if she’s the savior of the galaxy. She might actually believe that, with her single minded determination driving her attempts at galactic domination. A sneer twists her pale visage into something cruel, something from nightmares. Ben’s heart thunders against his chest; he’s afraid it might burst out, leaving a gaping hole and scarlet red in his wake.

“Hello, _Ben Solo_ ,” Novastar greets with her crisp Coruscanti accent at some point in the past. She spits his name out, something foul atop her tongue she couldn’t wait to get out. “I see the last few years of your life have been spent just like your criminal scum of a father. Wasting away with smugglers and thieves and murderers, rotting inside out from alcohol and nightmares. Such a pathetic life befitting the spawn of _rebel scum_.”

A thick vein pops out along Novastar’s forehead, her rage rocking her frame as a hand comes up in a tight fist. Ben would be shocked if she drew no blood. The hologram composes herself, once again the picture of perfect calm before continuing. “As such, the entertainment I’ve gathered from watching you fumble around hopelessly has lost its edge. Your time is up. But I must also thank you—you’ve brought my attention to someone I hadn’t even known I was looking for. Tula Sunchaser’s daughter will die with you.”

The recording cuts out, leaving behind a deafening silence as all the color drains from Ben’s face. His breathing comes in short, shallow pants as his heart anxiously pounds away. The holopad drops to the ground, his grip limp. Slowly, painfully, Ben turns to look at Rey.

Her luminosity diminished, a blank stare looking back at him. Her fingers still touch his wrist, still connect them together. Ben shifts his hand, his large fingers wrapping around her bony tawny wrist with ease. Rey rapidly blinks, shaking her head, before refocusing her hazel eyes onto him. 

Suddenly it all makes sense, that strange feeling of deja vu he’d had around the Jakku girl. That sensation of having seen her before, in another lifetime or in a daydream, before she’d ever been born. He thought himself going insane at the familiarity of Rey’s odd three bun hairstyle—but he _has_ seen it before. On another Alderaanian hailing from the western reaches of the obliterated planet. Ben sees the round, open face of Tula Sunchaser staring back at him, a dead woman’s eyes brimming with tears as Rey begins hyperventilating. 

_What have I done?_ he anguishes as a thunderous _crack_ splits the barks of nearby trees. An awakening in the Force, as the girl from Jakku reels from the revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooooo whatdya think of that ending/this chapter in general? :D leave a comment down below, a kudo if you will, and subscribe if you're new <3 
> 
> i've been waiting to introduce Rey's mom for a long time and now that you guys know something about her, what do you think? why do you think she got on Novastar's bad side? where is she now? and what is Rey gonna do with all this information? this chapter is really kicking off the second act of the story and i'm so excited as we continue moving further into the story :) 
> 
> also, _Scars_ is officially my most viewed fic! to celebrate i made a new moodboard that you can check out over here :) i would also love to know how you guys would like to see this story end, because i have every chapter outline except for the epilogue - i don't know how to end it and i'd love your input! leave me a comment or message me on [tumblr](https://punkeraa.tumblr.com) :) 
> 
> the lyrics in the first section are to the Alderaanian lullaby [Mirrorbright](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Mirrorbright_\(song\)) featured in _Bloodline_ by Claudia Grey - i really recommend that book!  
> [Starefire 'skee](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Starfire_%27skee)


	10. Chapter 10

_Run.  
Run.  
Run._

Rey’s body rocks with adrenaline, something inside her unleashing itself out onto the world. Somewhere through the fog of energy, she’s aware of a loud splitting noise nearby. Jerking her hand away, she finally takes notice of the weight on her wrist. A coolness edges away the heat of her skin, a little shock traveling through her bloodstream to break away the haze of emotions. 

Rich dark brown, so warm and safe, beg her to come back from whatever edge she’d been dangling from. Fragile calm touches her frayed nerves, teasing and promising the scavenger with peace. Rey nearly stumbles headfirst into the strange feeling that somehow exists outside her mind yet within as well, desperate for a moment of tranquility. 

Until she remembers a name, another promise spoken into the Takodana woods by a woman light years away. 

Tula Sunchaser. 

Panic bubbles in her chest, expanding and contracting in short pants. Rey gulps air down greedily, never enough with each breath she takes. The world goes blurry, the sharp edges of her surroundings lost in tears. That anchor on her wrist slips away, feverish heat licking up her body as invisible fingers grip her throat. Horrible wheezing fills her ears, the only sound Rey hears as her lungs and body silently scream for oxygen. Dark spots dance across her vision, blotting out the soft blue sky and gentle lazy sunshine. 

“REY!” a deep, soothing voice shouts. Intense pressure on her shoulders, enough to bruise, grab her full attention. The trees move back and forth unnaturally as her vision clears. Suddenly she can _breathe_ again. 

“Rey, are you there? Rey!” that same voice shouts, so near to her. Fluttering her eyes closed, Rey wants nothing more than to lean into the sound, have it envelope her in safety and drift away on its currents. She expects fluidity and grace, some place to get lost in, not solid and hard. A large hand cups the back of her head, soothing the tense muscles of her neck with circular motions. Inhaling the smell of hyperdrive fluid, alcohol, and refreshing pine kickstarts Rey’s memory.

_I’m on Takodana. This is Ben holding me_ , Rey thinks as she opens her eyes once more. _I’m on Takodana. I’m with Ben Solo._

“Ben,” she croaks out, arms wrapping around his broad frame tightly. His body anchors Rey to the present, to the moment in time she’s experiencing. Her fingers run over the worn and frayed fabric of his shirt; she intently studies the texture of bark on a nearby tree; the soft gurgling of the forgotten stream filling her mind. Her breathing regulates, her heart no longer threatening to jump out of her chest, her hands steady and sure. 

“Are you alright?” he whispers, pulling apart and focusing that beautiful, intense gaze on her. Fear and worry dance across his handsome face in turn, chasing one another and morphing his features. In Ben’s eyes, she sees the same fear reflected there, but something else as well. Buried deep within his eyes, Rey picks out guilt. 

_Tula Sunchaser’s daughter will die with you._ It’s what the recorded holograph promised before disappearing. Her words ring loud and clear in the quiet of the forest, drowning out the avian songs and chirping of other animals. 

“You know that name,” Rey says, monotone and detached. Her head is miles above the surface, floating somewhere in the stratosphere along the stars. The rest of her body is heavy, pulling towards the world’s core. 

Ben stiffens in her hold, his arms rigid and his grip on her tightening. But the pain is pleasant, something for Rey to focus on other than the conversation happening between her and a stranger. Who seems to know more about her past than she ever did. Betrayal, jealousy, anger well inside her, small and weak but there nonetheless. 

“Tell me why you know that name, and why someone who wants to kill you is now after me,” Rey demands, glare frigid. Her fingers dig into the soft flesh of Ben’s underarm; warm liquid fills her nails, the smell of metal staining the air as crimson flowers blossom on his shirt.

Ben stares dumbly at her, panic threatening to overtake and overwhelm the smuggler in her arms. He trembles, softly at first before growing in strength and ferocity as he squeezes his eyes shut. Ben inhales from his mouth, huge gulps of air in an attempt to calm himself. The hand on her waist tightens its grip further, bringing her closer to him. Rey eases her hold, fingers gently caressing the loose strands of black waves. 

“Tula Sunchaser was from Alderaan. She moved with others from the diaspora to a colony on Yavin IV and became the Senator for her people in the New Republic. She was a friend of my mother’s,” Ben mumbles. His words, so quiet, nearly lost among the pounding of her own heart. 

For a decade and a half, all Rey dreamed of was the family that never returned. The woman who promised to come back, the sad figure from the recesses of Rey’s mind singing that melancholy tune. And now it’s here, in her arms; a broken man running away from his past, the first connection to her mother since she was a four year old girl. 

“Tula Sunchaser,” Rey says, testing the name on her tongue. The harsh first syllable followed by a gentle caress at the end; a surname of power, a family that does not sit idly by but chases ambitions. Pride surges within Rey, an overwhelming love nearly knocking her back. 

“My mother’s from Alderaan. Does that mean...I’m Alderaanian?” she thinks aloud. The planet was destroyed long before Rey was ever born, but she imagines snow covered peaks protecting and overlooking a beautiful city as the sun rises over it. Peace washes over Rey.

Separating himself from her, Ben slumps on the muddy ground, his fingers ferociously picking away anything they grab. His lips tremble, but he regains control over his body once more as he meets her gaze. Fear still lingers within the depths of his eyes, the guilt there as well—but something new...trepidation. Running a dirty hand through his hair, Ben tugs at the end of his braid roughly. 

He nods, hand still pulling the ends of his braid. “Yes, you’re Alderaanian. Your hairstyle...it was a common style in the western part of Alderaan, where your mother was from. I remember seeing her with it sometimes.”

“You’ve seen my mother? Met her before?” Rey eagerly asks, desperate for any information on her mother. She reaches out, thin fingers wrapping tightly around the wrist laying on his thigh. Rey scoots closer, closer to a long lost mother and home. 

Ben nods again, staying silent. 

“Do you know where she is?” Rey whispers, strengthening her grip as the man before her turns away. His shoulders shake, a silent cry choked back as tears stream openly down his pale face. 

A hole opens up, swallowing everything but her sight. An ancient heaviness sits atop her lap, forcing her deeper into the pit as sound and feeling are sucked in. That same horrible panic from earlier returns with a vengeance, choking her throat so tightly no sound escapes. Dark spots once more blot out the forest before her; the only thing still visible is Ben, worry contorting his face again as he reaches out for her. Rey’s head crashes against the hardened planes of Ben’s chest, large hands on her back holding her in place as a heartbroken cry breaks the deathly silence. 

Rey’s wail pierces the tranquility of Takodana, shatters and destroys it as her world falls in pieces around her. That thing within her once more let loose upon the world, another dull _crack_ as branches tumble from high above onto the earth around them. 

Ben holds her, soothing her hair back with warm hands as Rey’s heart breaks. She stays in his arms for seconds, minutes, hours. She can’t pay attention to time, her grief visceral and unrelenting as snot and tears dribble down her reddened face. When the wails stop and her breathing evens out, he still doesn’t let go. Icy numbness travels slowly through her veins, a dull headache pounding away behind her eyes. 

“My mother’s dead,” Rey says, speaking the harsh truth into existence. Her fingers grip weakly at Ben’s frayed shirt, craving comfort and closeness from the alcoholic smuggler. Shakily taking in another gulp of air, Rey asks, “Why does that woman want me dead?”

He momentarily stiffens, the soft caress of his fingers stilling on her back before resuming. Perhaps guilt keeps Ben from wanting to share this, but ultimately it’s another thing he owes her after stumbling into her life. For a brief second, Rey wishes she’d never gone over the sand dune to see what angered the Teedo so much. She banishes the thought immediately; without Ben, the truth of her family wouldn’t have found her. 

Clearing his throat, Ben’s low voice rumbles beside the shell of her ear. “After my parents died, Novastar started chasing Tula. She went under the radar, disappeared for about eight years before her body was discovered in her old home on Yavin. And now she’s after you, to ease the wound in her ego at your mother evading her for so long.”

Primal rage roars in Rey, a volcanic anger on the verge of eruption. Her body shakes, fingers clenching into fists as she disengages from Ben’s hold for the first time. The soft tangerine glow of the setting sun brings sharp attention to Ben’s worry, the way it shifts and blooms within the honey flecks of his dark brown eyes. But all Rey sees is red. A desire to pay blood with blood, a wild animal within her awake and aware of the knee jerk reaction to all of this overwhelming information. Some dormant part of her psyche free at last. 

“You’ll take me to Luke,” Rey demands through clenched teeth.

Ben only nods, no trace of hesitation as he stares at her with reverence and awe; like he was looking at a goddess come to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *leaves this here and runs away*
> 
> your comments, kudos, and subscriptions bring a smile to my face. i'd never imagined that this fic would be as well received as it is, and i'm so grateful to all of you who take the time to read this little story of mine <3 
> 
> i'm unsure as to when the next update will be because this is the last chapter i have written out........ but it'll come, i promise :')


	11. Chapter 11

The mighty trees tremble with the aftershocks of Rey’s awakening, loose branches crashing all around them in decreasing frequency. She pants hard, face flush with anger. A rage Ben understands all too perfectly. Novastar’s new threat plays over and over in his mind; as if his parents’ death isn’t a heavy enough burden on his weakening shoulders, Ben winces at the idea of Rey dying because of _him_. 

“Where’s your uncle?” Rey demands, an edge in both her voice and eyes. Her hands ball into fists, knuckles whitening with the intensity. 

_Kriff_ , Ben thinks. He hasn’t seen Luke since he ran away as an angry sixteen year old from the new Jedi training temple. Last he heard, Luke abruptly left the academy and vanished into stardust. The old Jedi master is their last lifeline and he’s lost to the cosmos. Another failure on a long list of regrets. Ben shamefully hangs his head, resting it in his hands. 

Rustling in the brush ahead announced Maz’s arrival before she pops out of the greenery. Taking a look around at the fallen branches and cracked barks, the pirate queen shakes her head. 

“Tch, at least my castle’s still in one piece,” Maz quips, fixing her stern gaze on Rey and Ben. A new wave of guilt washes over him as he averts his gaze. 

“What are you doing here?” Rey questions, not in the least bit cowed. Her jaw clenches tight. 

Scoffing, Maz outstretches her arms to take in the result of Rey’s newly discovered power as if that’s answer enough. She walks to Ben and lowers herself beside him, removing the enormous glasses. The pirate queen looks her age now, the centuries lining her kindly face. Ben thinks of his mother, wishing he could see her age with wrinkles and greying hair. He takes Maz’s hand and she squeezes. 

“I sensed something with the Force, felt the ground rumbling and saw trees quivering. So naturally I followed that feeling and of course it led me here.”

Rey’s rage melts off her face, replaced with confusion as her brows knit together. “The Force?”

It’s completely unfitting of the situation and the tense atmosphere, but perhaps because of it Ben laughs. Deep and loud, coming from his belly. Maz smacks his arm but it’s Rey’s crestfallen expression that stops his laughter. 

Clearing his throat, Ben clarifies, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, just… You didn’t realize that was the Force?” 

Rey drops to the hard earth instead of responding, a far away look glazing over her eyes. Her fingers claw at the dirt, looking at Maz and Ben. Silently pleading for help, begging for guidance in whatever mess she’s found herself in. The pair of them move to sit on either side of Rey; Maz gathers her into her smaller body, slightly rocking them back and forth. 

“I can’t imagine how overwhelming this must all be,” Maz says, voice soothing and maternal. “But the Force is not something to run from, child. It has always been there, all around and inside you.” 

Ben notices the tears Rey’s fighting not to let fall; he takes her hand, giving a reassuring squeeze. _You’re not alone_ , he wants tell her. 

“All this time I thought the Force was just part of a story, something made up to pass the time,” Rey says. “Why is it showing up now, out of the blue?”

Maz pointedly stares at Ben, somehow _knowing_ this has something to do with him. It’s the last thing he wants to do, speaking this horribleness into reality. To do so only highlights his guilt; all Ben wants is to run away and disappear like his uncle. 

Sighing, finding the courage to confront this problem head on somewhere deep within himself, Ben explains. “Novastar’s holomail to me. Guess she spotted Rey with me and identified her as Tula Sunchaser’s daughter. You know, the woman that evaded her all those years before Novastar finally found her. Now she wants us both dead. Which I assume triggered Rey’s Force connection.” 

Letting go of Rey and standing, Maz tilts her head in the general direction of her home. “Come on, let’s go get a drink and sit somewhere more comfortable.”

The entire walk through the forest, bar, and up to Maz’s private quarters, neither Rey nor Ben let’s go of the other’s hand. An anchor, something constant to keep them from spiraling into a frightening unknown their futures turned into. Someone to ground them moving ahead. Ben makes to pull away but Rey’s grip tightens as they sit on a cushiony settee. Maz pours her finest alcohol from her private collection; she sets the teal colored liquid in front of both of them before reclining in her seat. 

After they’ve all had some sips of the chilled and delicious wine, Maz speaks. 

“Although I am no expert in the Force, it appears that your awakening is related to the information you received earlier. An intense emotional response as the catalyst to your dormant connection, as Ben mentioned. Perhaps this moment is the will of the Force, perhaps not. What remains is that you are untrained and virtually defenseless against someone as powerful and obsessive as Novastar. You need a teacher.”

Rey nods along in her agreement, determination settling in her eyes as they reflect the fire in the hearth. Ben looks away, full of shame. This young scrap of a woman’s had her whole life upended in a few days simply for helping his drunken self, with someone now ready and able to kill her. Yet Rey isn’t backing down or running away. She’s willing to confront the pain and fear head on.

So unlike him.

Ben swallows the rest of his wine in a giant gulp. He reaches for the crystal bottle but a hard smack against his knuckles from Maz has him pulling back. Ben barely makes out the disappointment and sadness in his maternal figure’s eyes, but it’s still there all the same. 

“We need Luke,” Ben supplies, sinking into the cushions. His free hand drags down his face in frustration. “But I don’t know where the hell he is or how to even begin tracking the old bastard down.”

The hold on his hands slackens as the unknown whereabouts of Luke sinks into Rey. Her shoulders sag as her hope deflates, whatever fighting chance she believed she had evaporated with the cruelest stroke. Ben almost lets out a dry, humorless laugh at the irony but stops; it would further hurt Rey and the last thing he wants to do is kick her while she’s already down. 

Maz tilts her head back, letting out a steady stream of bright, loud laughter. It lifts the darkness from the room, makes things seem more manageable somehow. If Maz isn’t as upset about this as they are, that means she’s got something figured out right? Yet Rey bristles besides him; her lips flatten into a thin line barely containing an outright snarl. 

“The Force truly works in mysterious ways,” the castle matron says, wiping away a tear. Her gaze hardens, all lightheartedness gone without a trace. The change in her demeanor gives Ben whiplash. 

Rey breaks the silence, asking, “What do you mean?”

Instead of answering with words, Maz scoots off her seat and leisurely walks to some old wooden chest that’s vaguely familiar. Gingerly picking it up off it’s place on a shelf, the pirate returns to her seat by the fire. All of the attention is on Maz who seems utterly clueless of the command she currently holds. Unlocking the metal clasps, her orange fingers rummage through stuff before pulling out exactly what she’d search for. 

A memory drive gleams in the warm glow of the fire light. Hope ignites deep in Ben’s soul for what feels to be the first time in years. 

“Is that what I think it is?” he whispers.

Maz knowingly smiles as she deliberately nods. “A clue to Luke Skywalker’s current whereabouts. He dropped this off with me before he vanished in the off chance you’d ever want to see him again or needed help. The map is incomplete but I’d bet good credits as to where he left the rest.”

Rey firmly holds on to Ben’s hand, grounding herself as everything shifts once more. “We’ll really be able to find him?” she asks, voice thick with emotion. 

“Yes child. But first I’ll need Ben to make a delivery for me. The job requires someone trustworthy. It also helps that you need to be going to this planet anyway to find the other part of the map,” Maz explains. 

The orange alien stands and deposits the chest on Ben’s lap, that maternal shine back in her eyes. She pats his face before leaving without another word. 

Sucking in her breath to cool her nerves, Rey says, “Maz told me things didn’t end well between you and your uncle. So thank you for helping me find him.”

Rey shrinks into herself, attempting to diminish her presence. But she glows brightly and vividly in the Force, a pulsing beacon holding his focus. Ben cracks a small smile and turns to face her on the settee, disentangling their hands before bringing her in for a hug. Her head rests on his chest as his arms wrap around her shoulders. It feels nice, peaceful even, to have Rey right there. Unconsciously her fingers fist the fabric of his shirt, keeping him in place next to her. 

“It’s the least I could do, after everything,” Ben starts. He swallows a lump of emotions, craving the burn of alcohol instead but realizing he’ll have to do without for now. 

He presses forward. “My mother never ran from her problems; even when her parents and homeworld died she never hid away. I think she’d like a lot, actually. And she’d push me to follow you. So for her, and my dad, and you, Rey, I’ll stop running for now.”

Pulling away from his side, Rey stares at him with deep scrutiny. It’s so completely different from the times before. As if she’s seeing him for the first time; like seeing him with new eyes and the potential he has. 

Her hand cups one side of Ben’s face, her thumb soothingly moving back and forth. A sad smile tugs at the corners of her lips as she continues looking on at him. She leans forward towards him, pulling him to her until their foreheads lightly bump together. She’s calm, a steady anchor in the Force and besides him that makes Ben forget all about liquor. Rey herself is a powerful enough presence to scare his demons and nightmares away.

She slowly extracts herself, much to Ben’s disappointment, that same sad smile still on her face. Rey bids him goodnight as she exits the room, leaving him alone with an old box filled with junk. 

Not quite ready for sleep yet, Ben opens the chest with a curiosity to see what garbage Maz has gifted him. Nestled within the confines of the wood is a lock of dark hair; a tooth; a few holorecordings; an old stuffed animal; a handwritten journal; gold dice; and his padawan braid. Tears obscure Ben’s vision as the memories of his childhood and adolescence slap him in the face. His fingers tighten on his keepsake chest. A last gift from his parents, protected throughout the years by his uncle and Maz. 

Alderaanian tradition called for only the child to place things within the chest; however following the murder of his parents, young Ben refused to put anything inside. It seems Luke filled it for him. 

Ben stares at the ceiling with his head tilted back, watches the shadows play along the walls. “See you soon, old man.”

He spends the better portion of the night getting lost in the painful yet pleasant memories of his past...without a drop of alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a super long time since i wrote and updated this story. i'm so sorry for the hiatus but i'm in a better place than i was back in february and i plan on keeping up with this momentum! thank you for your continued support :) this is an unbeta'd chapter, so i apologize for any mistakes! i just got excited to actually update lol 
> 
> i originally got the idea for this story when my abuser walked into my work in may 2017 - i was angry, afraid, and deeply hurt. it was the second time he'd done that, the first being august 2016; after that first time i spent an entire week drinking everyday because i didn't want to be sober, didn't want to face all the ugly memories + emotions seeing him brought back. but then i got into therapy, started to actually face these issues head on instead of running and hiding from them. so when that second time happened, i didn't turn to alcohol or drugs - i channeled all those emotions into this story, into Ben and Rey. they're beginning to actually face their pain and trauma; they've come some ways since the start of this story but they've still got a ways to go. so the fact that so many of you read and enjoy this story really truly touches my heart
> 
> please leave a comment letting me know what you thought. it would brighten up my day ♡ come say hi to me on [tumblr](http://punkeraa.tumblr.com/)
> 
> the wine they're drinking is [toniray](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Toniray)  
> [keepsake chest](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Keepsake_chest)


End file.
